The end of a year is always a time that forces me to reflect on my life and what I have accomplished, I have to confront where I am and account for all the places where I have triumphed and all the places I have failed.
If you are anything like me, you may tend to focus on all the things that did not go your way rather then the ones that did. This past December I did not focus on the difference I made with my clients, nor did I congratulate myself on the amazing weekend retreat I lead last spring nor did I smile about the book I published on Amazon. No this past December I spent my time stewing over all of the gaps in my life that still needed to be filled: the weight that still needs to be lost, the business that still needs to grow, the person I still need to be, the money still to be made and on and on and on.
I am very hard on myself and in my experience so are most women I know. Somehow we hold ourselves to a level that even superheroes can’t attain, we push ourselves to the edge and still think we didn’t push hard enough.
It’s as if we continually set ourselves up to be disappointed and unhappy with who we are and what we’ve done. I spent my New Years eve in a beautiful private cottage overlooking a lake surrounded by snow covered picturesque trees sitting in front of a wood-burning fireplace with my husband. By anyone’s standards it would have seemed like it was a dream come true.
And yet I could not sleep and woke up at the crack of dawn on January 1st day filled with a deep sense of loneliness and sadness. While my husband slept I crept out of bed and looked out at the view that I should have been grateful for and immediately broke down in tears of sorrow and pain.
Here I was a new wife and seasoned entrepreneur and all I could think about was where I had gone wrong. Last year when planning for the year to come, I had these hopes that I would wake up on this day and I would see myself in a whole new way, that I would be new, different, better. And yet here I was shaking with years and wondering why I bother at all. I sobbed for what felt like and eternity curled in a fetal position on the couch.
And that is when my phone rang.
It was one of my best girlfriends.
I picked up the phone and continued to cry and lament and feel sorry for myself. I spoke about all the ways I failed myself, how I wasn’t a good coach and not meant to be an entrepreneur. How yet again I felt overweight and not happy with my body. How lonely it was to be in my misery always trying to put on a happy face. How I felt like a fraud for wanting to help other people when I felt sometimes that I could hardly help myself and how ready I was to give up on wanting more out of life.
She shared with me too. She cried along side with me, and talked about her pain, her failures, and all the places where she thought she would wake up today that would be different. She spoke about her sorrow, her heartbreak and her deep sense of loneliness. After 4 hours on the phone and my entire sweater soaked, the tears eventually stopped. We didn’t try and make each other ‘feel better’ we didn’t try and convince each other that ‘we had it all wrong’. At no time did she say ‘how talented I really was’ or ‘how I needed to look on the bright side’. Never did I tell her to ‘keep her chin up’ or ‘stay positive’. Not once.
We just stayed on the phone listened to each other’s heartache and let each other cry.
Sisterhood has been my saving grace. And I am not only talking about biological sisters. I am talking about having women in your life that you anchor your heart to that without a doubt have your back and cradle your soul. Women who love you despite your pettiness, complaints, anger, insecurities and mistakes.
I am of the belief that the same degree of reverence we have for that which is above us should also be expanded horizontally to those beside us. That as women, you can access Spirit, God and the Universe through the group of sacred sisters around you. We need strong, powerful and supportive women in our life just as much as we need belief in something bigger then us.
I am lucky enough to have a handful of women in my life who provide that for me.
Sisterhood is a spiritual practice, and like any other it is takes discipline, time, energy and effort. I strongly believe that without a core group of women in your life achieving, having and making it through our days is harder then it needs to be.
Some of you may have never had what I am talking about, others may see that it is time for an upgrade and many of you may not even know where or how to start.
Wherever you are, the truth is I can’t do it alone and you can’t either.
I am so done with trying to do life as an island. I need a tribe and community to get there. Marianne Williamson says that “there is more then enough space at the top of the mountain for ALL women to be glorious”. I couldn’t agree more, but will add that the only we all get there is shoulder-to-shoulder, linking arms as sisters.
It has only been in the last year or so that I really saw the sacredness of having specific women in my life. They were the ones that got me through my doubts about my wedding, or when I was worried about having breast cancer or even when all I wanted to do was cry all day and feel sorry and pathetic about my life. They are the ones who are genuinely happy for me when I am successful and who clap for me and cheer me on when I am almost at the finish line. They are the ones who pray for me when I am sick or call me just to check in.
If you have women like that in your life, reach out to them and let them know how much they mean to you and if you don’t have them, then speak a silent prayer into the Universe and ask to find women that you can invite into your heart.
This year is going to be the one where my roots take hold and are anchored, and the source of that for me will be the tribe of women that surrounds me, the women I open my heart up to. Roots made in sand are not nearly as strong as roots grown in rich soil, and sisterhood is the fertile earth that grounds me to my true Self.
Sisterhood saved my life more then once, both biologically and energetically. I don’t want to ever live without it, and I don’t want you to either.
Sisterhood is sacred and it is indeed spiritual. It helps me love myself more. Every time you bow down to a woman beside you, you also energetically bow down the woman inside you. And I want you to keep bowing at your own feet as much as possible.
You deserve to have that kind of closeness and friendship in your life. Especially for us women, life is far too short not to have that.
So reach out beside you and starting searching for those women that will fill your soul and light up your life.
We are out there and we are waiting for you.