I have had a love/hate relationship with my body for as long as I can remember and recently I have started picking on her and noticing all her flaws and faults, more then usual.
I started thinking of her as my best friend and watched how I had treated her over the last few months (and really the last few decades). I realized that if I treated her like my best friend I would be embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior.
So yesterday I looked myself in the mirror and apologized. Not mentally in my head, but face to face, eye to eye, woman to woman. I spoke to my Self in the mirror and acknowledged the mean things I have been saying and the way in which I have been seeing her through a filter of inadequacy, shame and mild disgust. I asked her to forgive me and told her that starting today I would only look for, and make mention of, the things that I love.
In essence I would start to make noticing her beauty my highest priority.
So I started that night and felt my tummy and marveled at how smooth and soft my skin was and how great it felt to touch. I also paid particular attention to the mole that is right above my belly button and saw it as a real ‘beauty’ mark.
I went to my fiancé in the bathroom and told him about my convo and he was delighted to hear that I apologized to my body. I then told him the things I loved, and he stood there and adored my ‘beauty mark’ with me.
That was 3 days ago.
They say the Universe works in mysterious ways, and tonight is proof of that.
With all my intentions of loving my body and seeing her beauty I was able to manifest a FREE boudoir photo shoot.
I am writing this as I sit in my robe after a 6 hour photo shoot in my home after a night of various outfits, materials, props and positions. Though at first I felt slightly uncomfortable and shy, it was amazing being able to give my body the attention and love she deserves.
After each outfit shoot, I looked over some of the photos and they blew me away.
I never knew I looked like that!
What I have historically seen in the mirror was not the body that I say captured on film. I saw some shots that I looked downright hot in, and insanely sexy! Even the shots that the photographer loved, tended to be ones where my thighs are tummy are exposed, but tonight I could see the beauty and sexiness she was seeing when she pointed them out. Truth is, in some shots, if she didn’t tell me they were me, I would never recognize as my own body
It was so crazy feeling sexy, I haven’t felt sexy ,while being half naked, in a long time.
I am eager to reinstate the love affair I have with my body, and remind Her of her beauty, power and gorgeousness.
I want to lover her, madly, completely, whole-heartedly and emphatically. I want her to be loved on purpose and with great intention.
I want to be the one that gets to lover her that way, and so this week I am devoting to loving my body. I have spent so long using my head as my guide that I am ready to have the intellect of my body take over.
This week I am using her intuition and brilliance as my compass and following her lead in my daily routines, habits and actions.
This week is all about her….and I can’t wait to see where she takes me.